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Davis C. Tracy Ph.D., Director of Counseling & Learning Support Services
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I expect my child to have changed
during the first months of college?
While only a few months have gone by, he or she may feel that much time has
passed since leaving home. Expect to hear stories of how other students behaved
at college. Try asking your son his thoughts about what he’s seen at school
or ask your daughter what others do for fun, and “How long does it feel
like you’ve been away from home?” Another way most students change
is that they schedule their own hours of sleep and activity, which might not
match your home routine. And if you want your child to attend a family event,
try saying, “We know you’ll have a bunch of friends to see while
you’re home, and we’d like you to save this particular time for
a family gathering.”
I worry about my child’s welfare in dating relationships…what
should I know about how he or she is doing with dating?
You’ll do best if you acknowledge that your child has a lot of freedom
away from home to experience relationships. Express interest in what your child
has to say. One example is, “I know you have a lot of freedom in dating—how’s
that going?” This may be more effective in building your child’s
confidence and your own peace of mind than saying, “I hope you never bring
him home!”
What’s the biggest mistake I can make when my child
comes home?
Generalizing from your own college/away-from-home experience to that of your
son or daughter, or assuming you know what his or her experience was like can
be a mistake. Credit your child with being able to experience and survive this
time period without your in-person guidance. Young people welcome acknowledgment
that they’ve handled challenges on their own. So listen and say, “Tell
me more stories.” Ask, “How are you doing in your favorite class?”
or “What are you learning in your toughest class?” The lessons of
being away have different tastes—some bitter, some sweet. Ask to hear
about any your child wishes to share.
How do I help if my child is having problems adjusting
to being away from home?
Try recalling the challenges you have already seen your child handle. Ask him
to remember how he managed tough situations before leaving home and ask, “Even
if college life is different, what did you do back then that might help now,
too?” The best assistance is to help the student return to college with
confidence.
What if my child is nervous about returning to school?
First acknowledge that it’s tough to leave home after seeing friends and
family. Then recall your child’s ability to handle challenges so far,
and encourage him or her to connect with other students, faculty and staff members
when he or she gets back to school. Ask, “What parts of your routine at
school do you enjoy the most?” Or, “Tell me again about those places
where you feel relaxed when you’re at school.” You also can reassure
your child by saying, “When and how would you like us to be in touch once
you’re back at school?” Lastly, it never hurts to say, “We
love you and want you to be able to be happy at college.”